Monday, October 24, 2011

Jesus Healed Me!

Well, he was supposed to at least.
This would be another one of those random adventures that proves just how much of a troll I can be.

So, walking through Red Square, I saw a sign that read "FREE SPIRITUAL READINGS" and obviously, my curiosity was piqued. First time I saw it, they didn't ask me if I wanted one and I am not the type of person who wants to seem over-eager, so naturally, I just walked past it and went on to my apartment to drop off my stuff. If they were still there when I came back then I decided it would be fate and I would have to go check it out. Besides, I heard one of them mention "free cookies" as well...

I ended up going back to Red Square and there they were, so it was only natural that I walk suspiciously close to them right after they are finished talking to another passerby. (My walking is well timed thanks to the Mormon hawks that prey on us hell-bound bunnies.)

The girl who was trying to bring people in asked me if I would like to get a free spiritual reading and I calmly replied that I would. (YES! I WIN! I KNEW YOU'D ASK!) And she gave me a cookie while I waited for Tess to finish her reading of another person. (SECOND WIN!!!)

Finally Tess was done with her other person and I was led to sit down in front of her. First, she asked me my name (Kricket), my year (Sophomore), and my major (Environmental Science). The next thing she did was tell me that she speaks to the spirit as asks what guidance I need in my life right now or what I need to know most.

She put her head down for a good 15seconds, looking very pensive, and then proceeded to tell me that I am a very unique person and what I need to remember right now is that there are a lot of times where I will feel like an outcast and feel separated from the love of other people, but the most important thing to remember at these times is that someone is always walking with me and I am never alone. (Yeah, my Spirit Guides are pretty baller. We know.) She also wanted me to know that Jesus Christ is always beside me. (Yeah this guy over... wait! Whoa, you meant the HOLY SPIRIT?! I just thought SPIRIT...) And yet my passive exterior remained perfectly intact. "Yay!" for acting skills.

The next thing she did was ask me if there is anything else I want to know about or if I have any questions about what is going on in my life. (Uhh not really, I am already living my life and I like it so much I don't feel the need to question it... Thanks though!) Since I had no questions, she asked me if it would be alright if she prayed for me. (I've been caught! She has scented out my non-believer status!)

But I wasn't really caught because when I told her she could, she promptly asked me if I have "accepted the Spirit into [my] life". (Yeah. In sophomore year.)(Not your Spirit though... Sorry!) Ohh yay! She accepted Christ in her Sophomore year too! (Yay bonding!... but I think you missed my point...) And then she asked if there was anything in particular she should pray for. (Well, my health has been rather poor recently. Asthma is a big problem now and my shoulders hurt from taekwondo conditioning...) And then she asked which shoulder and if I had ever seen a healing done through the power of Jesus Christ before. (Left shoulder. No. Never) Well, she was going to do one for me since she had seen one done before. (Obviously that means she is qualified to do one for me...)

She prayed that the Holy Spirit would enter me and heal me. That he would drive out the enemy and return my body and soul to purity. She asked Jesus to bless and heal me and keep my soul. We both said "Amen" as she does it as a matter of course and I figure it is a sign of respect. Always respect anything and everything is one of my morals and I stick to it as often as possible.

First of all, I have always thought that Jesus entering me sounds like a really bad sexual reference in a creepy cult. Second of all, I am amazed that I was not struck down with a lightning bolt or turned into a pillar of salt. Third of all, it slightly worked. I figure that that would be the placebo effect since I believe in the power of prayers that are directed like that as well as the real effect brought upon by her prayer.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I am Pagan. Seriously, she looked like one of those very sweet and slightly over-protected people. I couldn't crush her by saying that she just used her precious Jesus to heal a heathen.

I must admit that I left in rather a hurry, but I was kind of amused that the Christians are now giving out Spiritual Readings. Usually I associate a "reading" with something along the order of a Pagan Festival where there are Palm and Tarot Readings and Aura Readings and even Spiritual readings. I also must admit that the girl was obviously just using the guise of a spiritual reading to spread the word of Jesus and God, but I don't mind. She did say some things that are important for people to hear every once in a while. Good deeds are always good deeds.

Christians have become so New Age-y that we might as well consider them a whole different religion from what they once were. Though I suppose a static state would be too unnatural...

Oh! And Get Off Your Broomstick update!
I have deviated from the plan, but am keeping with the spirit of it. I have seriously cut down how much sweets I eat and am now running a little more often than every other day. I also chose to do the Taekwondo club instead of learning dances because I enjoy it more and it fits better into my schedule.

And the crystals have stopped for a while. I think I need to let my sleeping self rest. I stopped having dreams completely.

And final update of my daily life is that I love people. They make my everyday wonderful and I would be lost without them. (Special credit goes out to Mai and Danny. We are Soulmates!)

Grow strong and photosynthesize much!

6 comments:

  1. Wait, I thought spiritual healing was a big NONO, according to the bible? Maybe I'll have to go back and read it again, but I really thought that was something just evil sourceresses did... just like talking to the spirits. ^^

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  2. Psht. I'm always striking! :D Oh, by the way, I think I have a grade two injury to my hamstring and that makes me think of how you got crippled a bunch from your wrestling. Taekwondo hell workout... it killed me and my hamstring...

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  3. Hahaha! I love new agey christians! They're such strong believers and so sweet that even the most christian-hating people have to go "Awww, okay." Speaking of religion-hating, is it just me or are a lot of atheists becoming real haters now-a-days? In the not funny kind of way.. Anyways, wonderful blog post. :) I feel like I haven't been on here in forever!

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  4. The blog url has changed to a .NET! Please change my links to http://www.thedomesticpagan.net/

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  5. Okay! Thank you very much for the update. I'll change that on the posts right away.

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